You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
