I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
3pm strippers are depressing
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
