After last night, I could never be a politician.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
