So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
