I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize