That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
