theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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