Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
