we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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