those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
