Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
