so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
