I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize