I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize