remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Randomize
