Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
