Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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