She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
