My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize