from now on my penis is your penis
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
