He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
