Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
