I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Randomize
