she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It's rum buckets o'clock
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
