Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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