atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
