it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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