On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
