Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
