Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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