Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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