she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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