She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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