What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
