Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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