I accidentally had phone sex last night
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
