you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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