I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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