sarcasm needs its own font
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
