it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
