I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
