I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize