I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
