Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
