I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
