What a fucking waste of an outfit
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
