I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
