My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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