He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
