How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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