Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
