That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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