Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
