I just pynch a tree in the face
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
