Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
