Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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