She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
