Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
