please come you make the beer taste better
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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