I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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