Well douche your snatch and let's go!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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