Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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