you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize