Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
