the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
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