You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
