Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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