Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
