I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
