She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Please don't give away my fajitas
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
