you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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