my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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