You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
