she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
