what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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