We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
