they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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