i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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