my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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