My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
