When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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