So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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