i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
