just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
