I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
