I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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