i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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