Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
