You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
