I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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