Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize