Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
