So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
