thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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