his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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