Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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