Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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