i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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