Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dear god my vagina.
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