Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just high enough for therapy.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
