we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
