Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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