In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
