Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
we're making bets on your personal life
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
