I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
drinking out of a sandbucket again
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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