So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
