Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
